Many dealers are just over cautious on things. For example, I have run into a few dealers that when I ship to them, they want me to fax an ffl before they fax me theirs. Also most dealers are requesting an ffl be inside the box, as they want to have a copy for their files. They think that the receiving dealer is require to have a copy. This is not true, as only the shipper is required by law to have a copy.
In regards to sending a gun back, you must send it back to an ffl holder. On the couple of times that a customer refuses the gun after inspections, I have had to send it back to a dealer that the seller had to use to receive it back. If the customer decides he doe not want it and I explain that I have to send it back to a dealer, then he can take the gun and preceed ahead as he sees fit. Once its out of my control, he can handle the return based on his confort level.
Best
John Boyd
