A Communist is a person who read Das Kapital. An Anti-Communist is a person who read Das Kapital and understood.
Someone asks a guide in hell: "Why does Hitler stand up to his neck in shit, while Stalin is only up to his waist?"
-He answers, "Because Stalin is standing on Lenin's shoulders."
A communist was being interviewed by a reporter:
Reporter: If you have two houses, will you give me one?
Communist: Of course, yes!
Reporter: If you have two cars, will you give me one?
Communist: Of course, yes!
Reporter:If you have two shirts, will you give me one?
Communist: Of course, no!
Reporter: Why no this time?
Communist: Because I HAVE two shirts!
