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The prototypical, 19th Century example of a malcontent living in his parents basement, yet believing that he was superior and entitled to "Rule the World"...

He clearly read waaaay too much Hegel, and considered himself a member of a superior "Ruling Class"..

The Sheriff, driving a giant truck, pulls up to the farmer's house.

Sheriff: "Because of the rains the roads are near impassable. Been much rain upstream and it is going to get worse. I came here to take you to high ground."

Farmer: "No need, God will look after me."

Well, the flood arrived and the farmer got on his roof to get out of the water. A neighbor motored up in a skiff.

Neighbor: "I've come to rescue you."

Farmer: "No need, God will look after me."

The flood got even higher. A National Guard helicopter flew up to the farmer's house. A Guardsman was winched down from the hovering helicopter.

Guardsman: "I am here to save you from drowning."

Farmer: "No need, God will look after me."

The helicopter flew away. The water got even higher.
The farmer drowned.

The farmer arrives at the Pearly Gates, angry because God let him drown.

St. Peter: "Welcome to Heaven."

Farmer: "Never mind that. Why did God let me drown? I had great faith in him."

St. Peter: "He sent you a truck, a boat, and a helicopter. What else did you want?"

Well, one good groaner deserves another.

What's long and hard going in but soft and sticky coming out?

Chewing gum.

Sorry guys but it's in the mid 70's here today and I'm on my third stiff bourbon coke to cool off.

A Communist is a person who read Das Kapital. An Anti-Communist is a person who read Das Kapital and understood.

Someone asks a guide in hell: "Why does Hitler stand up to his neck in shit, while Stalin is only up to his waist?"
-He answers, "Because Stalin is standing on Lenin's shoulders."

A communist was being interviewed by a reporter:
Reporter: If you have two houses, will you give me one?
Communist: Of course, yes!
Reporter: If you have two cars, will you give me one?
Communist: Of course, yes!
Reporter:If you have two shirts, will you give me one?
Communist: Of course, no!
Reporter: Why no this time?
Communist: Because I HAVE two shirts!

A man was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on deserted island.

After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together,
but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.

The only survivor was Nancy Pelosi. That evening, the man brought Nancy to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening, red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze, a perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the man started to get "those feelings" again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Nancy and told her he hadn't had sex for months. Nancy batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.

He said, "Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"

I wouldn't let that [censored] walk my dog...

Subject: Fwd: Tyrone


Because of his stupidity and clumsiness, his teacher, was always yelling at him, "You're driving me crazy, Tyrone."

One day Tyrone's mama came to school to check on how he was doing.

The teacher told his mama honestly, that her son was simply a disaster, getting very low marks, and that she had never seen such a stupid boy in her entire teaching career.

The mom was so shocked at the feedback that she withdrew her son from school and moved out of Detroit, relocating to Cleveland.

25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an almost incurable cardiac disease.

All the doctors strongly advised her to have open heart surgery, which only one surgeon at the Cleveland Clinic could perform. Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful.

When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome young doctor smiling down at her. She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but quickly died.

The doctor was shocked, wondering what went wrong so suddenly. Then he turned around and saw our friend Tyrone, a janitor in the Clinic, who had unplugged the life-support equipment in order to connect his vacuum cleaner.

If you thought Tyrone had become a heart-surgeon, there is a high likelihood that you voted for Obama.

...Geo

Give Tyrone a break at least he was working.