"Limericks"
I assume that everyone is familiar with the term, and knows what a limerick actually is, if not, do a Google search and you will get a full explanation. Well, I have always been amazed at the mind stimulation that can be realized from a simple 5 line verse.
Below is a favorite of mine that got me interested in trying my luck at writing some.
"There once was a lad at Trinity"
"Who derived the square root of infinity"
"He suffered such fidgets"
"From dealing with digits"
"He changed from math to divinity"
Now, here is my first try.
I once had a gal in my class
Who experienced some trouble to pass
She dispensed with tradition
And stopped paying tuition
But still charged her father the cash
Now, for my latest!
There is a guy called Obama
And to some he’s caused quite a trauma
He appears quite sane
Despite his middle name… [Hussein]
But he’s proving he’s really a Bummer
I'm through for now, so try you hand at it and see if it stimulates "your" mind.
binko
Your limerick falls flat. The last line does not fit the formula
sorry the format is:
A
A
B
B
A you are missing the final A
It should have said something like:
he shoulda been swallowed by his mamma
Consider the topic and apply a little "Ebonics", [the official new language], to it, and it rhymes perfectly!
binko
See if you like this one any better?
A man can be born in Kenya
But not with a Presidential agenda
We know we commit libel
As told in the Bible
So his term should be cut before year end a
binko
Being of Irish bent, I know about 50 "naughty" ones, my favorite being: "There once was a man name of Sweeney, who spilled gin all over his weinie- not wanted to seem uncouth, he splashed on Vermouth, and thus made the perfect Martini"- but I crafted this one for Sister Mary Margaret Frigidaire- at St. Pat's-- "There once was a man from St. Louie whose wife thought we was a bit screwy, for every morning for luck, he'd walk his pet ducks, which he had named- Huey, Lowie and Dewey"-- she even laughed, for a Nun (who gets none) that ain't too bad--RWTF
I like those, RWTF, LOL, it gives one the chance to do a little "word-play", but you seem to excel in that category in most of your posts anyway!
binko
Thankee kindly there Sir Binko. Yup, have the Irish outlook I do, and inventin' limericks and ad slogans ain't made me rich, but shared a few laughs- must have been all that Stan Freeberg and Mel Brooks in my "salad years" I'd guess- The late Johnny Cash made a nice chunk of change sellin' the rights to his song "Ring Of Fire" to the folks who make preparation-H, I even gave it a shot: "Use Preparation-H and kiss those hemmorhoids good-bye'
There once was a couple named Kelly,
who had to live bely-to-belly
for once, in their haste
they used library paste
instead of petroleum jelly.
Once a gay man in Khartoum
took a hooker upstairs to his room.
They argued all night
over who had the right
to do what, with which, and to whom.
I'm trying to think up a dandy
while I'm eating a big box of candy
couldn't think of a thing
to make my poem ring
so I called my old buddy Randy.
have pity on my soul,
tim
tHERE ONCE WAS A FARMER NAMED fRITZ- wHO PLANTED A FIELD FULL OF TITS- hE WAITED FOR fALL, TO HARVEST 'EM ALL, AND CHOPPED THEM ALL SLOWLY TO BITS- There once was a Plumber name Lee- Who was plumbing a gal by the sea- She said "Oh stop plumbing, for I hear someone coming"- Said he, still plumbing, "Tis Me" There once was a nympho named Alice- Who used a dynamite stick for a phallus- They found her vagina in North Carolina, And bits of her titties near Dallas-- There once was a Pirate named Gates- Who did the Mambo while on roller skates- But he fell on his cutlass, which left him quite nutless, And perfectly worthless on dates-- There once was a nympho named Ransom- Who had secuded a young man in a hansom- she rolled on the floor, and begged him for more, but his name was Simpson- Not Sampson-- There once was a hermit named Abe-Who kept a dead hooker in his cave-He had to admit, that she smelled just like shit- But think of the money he'd saved- There once was a man from Boston- Who bought himself a new Austin- There was room for his ass- and a gallon of gas-But his balls hung out and he lost 'em-- Oh Yeah!!
Quite racy, but quite good...I liked them!
binko
There was a mortician from Fife
Who made love to the corpse of his wife
He said to the judge
She was cold, did not budge
Just the same as she acted in life
Sam
I like...thanks
I love limericks!
binko
There was a young Royal Marine
Who tried to fart "God Save The Queen"
When he hit the soprano
Out came the guano
And his pants weren't fit to be seen.
There was a man from Ghent
Who had a penis so long it bent
It was so much trouble
That he kept it double
And instead of coming he went.
---------------------
There was a lady who triplets begat
Nat, Pat and Tat
It was fun breeding
But trouble feeding
Cause she didn't have a tit for Tat.
------------------------
An Argentine Gaucho named Bruno
Said Sex is one thing I do know
Women are fine
And sheep are divine
But llamas are numero uno!
You're bad Sam...but really good...I like.
binko
Binko - Fac ut vivas. Oh! Denuone Latine loquebar? Me ineptum! Interdum modo elabitur. Quo usque tandem abutere patentia meum? Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris. Nunc, gaudeo absolvi meam animam.
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT??? You are in America...SPEAK ENGLISH!!!
binko
A gentleman dining at Crewe,
Found an elephant's whang in his stew.
Said the waiter, "Don't shout
and wave it about,
or the others will all want one too."
A mortician's sly daughter named Maddie
Told a young and viginal laddie,
If you'll do as I say,
We can have a great lay,
'Cause I've buried more stiffs than my Daddy.
There once was a thing called a V-2,
To pilot which you did not need to,
You just pushed a button,
and then there was nuttin,
but stiffs, big holes and debris too.
Here's a couple I wrote personally for everybody's friend and neighbor HomoJoe:
There once was a redneck named Joe
While shootin' at a buck he blew off his toe
A little drink of white lightnin' made it less frightnin'
So he blew off another then accidently killed his ol' mother while trying a shot at the doe
And another:
On DoubleGunShop there's a poster named Joe
He claims to hunt turkey but is mostly just jerky
For him the short bus is waitin' and we're all a' hatin'
He stays when we wish he'd just go.....
I'm on a roll, shall I go on?
DLH
I'm no Homo....you fAt Closet Queen.
I'm no Homo....you fAt Closet Queen.
You are not? By God, dipweed, I sure do miss your idiocy on the other board.
I remember you....aren't you Pete the Obamanite' ?
You were a fish in a barrel, joe.
And after you voted in Obama we are all fish in barrels...
There once was a man named Dick
who was born with a corkscrew shaped prick
He searched in a futile hunt
for a girl with a corkscrew shaped Cu@T
He finally did find one but then he felt dead
that son of a b*@ch had a left hand thread
sort of gun related
Nice one there Major-the Limerick purists might get on your case for a 6 liner-with your permission, Sir, may an old Gyrene "field strip" that puppy and with me wicked Irish ancestry behind me, re-craft that to a five liner? And thanks for putting your life on the line for our Country in the sandbox War against terrorists---now, by your leave, Sir- here's me first "shot outta da box" goes like this: There once was a paratrooper named McChecker--Who was born with a corkscrew shaped pecker- He reconned North Carolina ( 82nd. AB) For a broad with a cross threaded vagina- Until his search was halted by orders from Colonel Becker!!
"I'm on a roll'- hope that's a Parker House Roll there MH- here's one I cooked up in honor of our dipstick pal Homeless Joseph- aka HoJo: There once was a man named McVine- Who dipped his dick in spirits of turpentine- He decided he needed a blow- So he called our friend HoJo-And then toasted the event with Vat 69!!
There once was a girl named Jill
Who used dynamite for a thrill
She rubbed on her Cl*t
too hard, just a bit
and blew her as* all the way to Brazil
Sounds like another set of co-ordinates for the version I know: "There once was a nympho names Alice- She used a dynamite stick for a Phallus- Well they found her vagina in South Carolina, And bits of her tits near Dallas"- Of course, we'd have to 'splain- such key words to HoJo as "Nympho- Phallus-but we all have to make sacrifices for the "snuffies in our Units, don't we?"" Here's another one I just cranked up--see what you think, Sir-- "A Maryland Mick name of O'Toole- Went skinny dippin' in a neighbor's pool- He was sippin' a cold Guinness, and strokin his Pen-nis- And thus he kept his O'TOOL-COOL"!!
Here's another one Major- I pulled out of my seabag- "An E.O.D. Cpl. named McFord, was clearing a forest with C-4 and Det. Cord- But he failed to dual prime, and the fuze burn rate to time- Now he's defusing IED's for the Lord"- sorts goes with the motto an Courthouse Bay-Engineer's School- "In this outfit, you are only issued ONE mistake-try very hard not to use it"!! Boom--
Thought I'd bring this great thread back to the top.
DLH
Goes to figure you'd like a limber one...
I know thousands.
Obviously everyone knows of the "Man from Nantucket:...
Here's a highbrow one.
That naughty old Sappho of Greece,
Preferred much to any old piece,
To have her Pudenda,
Rubbed hard by the enda,
The pink little nose of her niece!
and "Sue" is well known world wide,
There was once a young lady named Sue
Who preferred a stiff drink to a screw,
But one leads to the other,
And now she's a mother --
Let that be a lesson to you!
There was a young Captain McNair,
Who polished his sword on the stair,
On the 80th stroke, the banister broke,
and his cannon went off in mid-air!